My Boy Thomas

Yesterday's Gospel passage in the Revised Common Lectionary was John 20:19-31. It spoke of the St. Thomas the Apostle's first encounter with the Risen Christ.

What a wonderful text! I've always felt that St. Thomas has gotten a bad rap. How would you like to go through history known as "Doubting Thomas", or "Doubting George", or "Doubting Lucy", etc. Remember that in the account, St. Thomas did eventually affirm Jesus as, "My Lord and my God!"

BUT...St. Thomas maintained a healthy dose of skepticism and doubt. He wasn't afraid to ask difficult questions which plagued his soul. Of all the Twelve, St. Thomas is the one with whom I can most relate.

Why is it that in a world where the Risen Christ reigns supreme, we have bombs blasting in Jerusalem, bullets flying in Baghdad, airplanes used as weapons in New York City, children shooting at classmates in school hallways and libraries? Why is it that godly people suffer while miserable folks continue on? Why do I have to say goodbye to good friends who die too soon, while others seem to last forever?

I know that the "technical" answer is, "Because there is sin in the world, the world is fallen and broken, and Jesus has not yet returned to entirely transform creation." But that doesn't do much to assuage my curiosity.

Which is why I love St. Thomas. He gives us permission to ponder, to doubt, to ask the difficult questions. Even when people we know, love and trust give an answer (as the Twelve told St. Thomas, "We have seen the Lord!"), we can still ask these questions and wonder why things are not as they ought to be.

And how does Jesus react to these questions of our hearts? Sure, he wants our doubts to be answered...but he says, "Peace be with you!" As we walk these difficult roads of questioning and wonder, Jesus walks with us, holding our hands, leading us at times, and offering his peace on this most Christian of journeys.

I'm reminded of a modern day Christian, Bono, who in 1987 wrote one of the greatest songs of the 20th century, one which could very easily be in most church hymnals...

"I have climbed the highest mountains,
I have run through the fields...
Only to be with you...
I have run, I have crawled,
I have scaled these city walls...
Only to be with you...
But I still haven't found
what I'm looking for...
I believe in the Kingdom Come,
Then all the colors will bleed into one,
But, yes, I'm still running...
You broke the bonds and you loosed the chains,
Carried the cross and all my shame...all my shame...
You know I believe it...
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for..."

I praise God that through St. Thomas, God gives me permission to ask questions and to ponder, and to not always be satisfied with the "easy answer". And I especially praise God that while I'm searching for who-knows-what, Jesus offers me his peace and walks with me on the way.